I expended a little more effort on half-assed LED based lighting.
It turns out that you can buy some completely crazy light bulbs these days. Over about 4000 lumens (roughly a "300W equivalent" bulb) you start to get in to commercial lighting, so, suitable for factory floors and so on. The bulb bases begin to get weird. Still, at 3900 lumens I was able to buy a thing that fits a standard light bulb socket. Look at this glorious thing. It's got a bunch of LEDs on the end, but also these five crazy adjustable arms of light.
At $65 we're edging firmly toward oh for god's sake, just go buy actual photo gear territory, and indeed the next step up in light volume would probably be a Godox LED system. For $134 you can buy the baby Godox, which pumps out a bit more light that this thing, and which does not require the additional fixture to plug the bulb in and attach to a light stand, plus it's dimmable, etc etc. Godox goes up from there, um, quite a ways. The big one ($359) bangs out a godzilla-like 20,000 lumens which is probably dangerous to look at.
Jammed into a silver umbrella, without any further modifiers, it enables shooting at around 1/50th, f/4, ISO 400. So, perfectly doable even for my antique camera, and eminently usable even with a little modifier action if you have a fancy modern camera. You can't freeze motion, and you can't overpower the sun, but for almost all purposes a little bitty 3900 lumen light bulb will do just fine.
Check out the completely crazy catchlights, though! This could be someone's signature style!