Monday, March 16, 2020

Home Schooling

The state of Washington has closed our schools for about 6 weeks, so I have the kids. Obviously, I don't want to let them get all stupid in the interim. I have prepared this social-media-ready presentation of Day 1.


As in many other jurisdictions, we're experiencing school shutdowns for several weeks. We are privileged to be able to home-school during this interval, and it's already shaping up to be a beautiful and fulfilling experience for us all. Like so many other affluent pricks, I want to share some of those precious moments from our first day.

8am - 10am: Construction of proper anti-horde barricades. The right, and wrong, ways to protect our precious toilet paper reserves from the diseased masses.

10am - 10:30am: Wheat grass smoothies! Your choice of vegan snack!

10:30am - noon: Molotov cocktail dos and donts.

Noon - 1pm: Lunch. Tofu-pops. Rocks sweetened with organic sorghum for dessert.

1pm - 4pm: Humane and sanitary elimination of the infected (we're still working on maintaining a 2 meter distance, luckily blood splatter is not an issue with COVID-19 — this isn't Ebola, people!)

4pm - 5pm: Construction of crude radio transmitters.

5pm - 6pm: How to cook a squirrel.

6 o'clock dinner, and then off to bed!

At night, the vicious attack dog defends the home.


  1. Most entertaining post in a long time. Especially loved the humane and sanitary elimination post....

  2. Oh sure, you affluent pricks can afford *organic* sorghum for your rocks! Rub it in, why don't you.

  3. When in America...

  4. Excellent educational initiative, and that is Olympic-class molotov-tossing! Those zombie hordes won't stand a chance.


    1. I strongly recommend Dead Island, and Dead Island Riptide...

  5. Not THAT Ross CameronMarch 19, 2020 at 12:53 PM

    Assume your saving up the following topics for later, in case this really drags out:
    - beginners guide to fending off vampires
    - sawn-offs and the zombie apocalypse
    - installing sanitation in your bunker
    - tips and tricks for when you doomsday cult look like turning on you.

    1. Good points, especially the last. They will eventually turn on me, won't they? What to do, what to do.