The state of Washington has closed our schools for about 6 weeks, so I have the kids. Obviously, I don't want to let them get all stupid in the interim. I have prepared this social-media-ready presentation of Day 1.
As in many other jurisdictions, we're experiencing school shutdowns for several weeks. We are privileged to be able to home-school during this interval, and it's already shaping up to be a beautiful and fulfilling experience for us all. Like so many other affluent pricks, I want to share some of those precious moments from our first day.
8am - 10am: Construction of proper anti-horde barricades. The right, and wrong, ways to protect our precious toilet paper reserves from the diseased masses.
10am - 10:30am: Wheat grass smoothies! Your choice of vegan snack!
10:30am - noon: Molotov cocktail dos and donts.
Noon - 1pm: Lunch. Tofu-pops. Rocks sweetened with organic sorghum for dessert.
1pm - 4pm: Humane and sanitary elimination of the infected (we're still working on maintaining a 2 meter distance, luckily blood splatter is not an issue with COVID-19 — this isn't Ebola, people!)
4pm - 5pm: Construction of crude radio transmitters.
5pm - 6pm: How to cook a squirrel.
6 o'clock dinner, and then off to bed!
At night, the vicious attack dog defends the home.