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Monday, March 16, 2020

Home Schooling

The state of Washington has closed our schools for about 6 weeks, so I have the kids. Obviously, I don't want to let them get all stupid in the interim. I have prepared this social-media-ready presentation of Day 1.

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As in many other jurisdictions, we're experiencing school shutdowns for several weeks. We are privileged to be able to home-school during this interval, and it's already shaping up to be a beautiful and fulfilling experience for us all. Like so many other affluent pricks, I want to share some of those precious moments from our first day.

8am - 10am: Construction of proper anti-horde barricades. The right, and wrong, ways to protect our precious toilet paper reserves from the diseased masses.



10am - 10:30am: Wheat grass smoothies! Your choice of vegan snack!

10:30am - noon: Molotov cocktail dos and donts.




Noon - 1pm: Lunch. Tofu-pops. Rocks sweetened with organic sorghum for dessert.

1pm - 4pm: Humane and sanitary elimination of the infected (we're still working on maintaining a 2 meter distance, luckily blood splatter is not an issue with COVID-19 — this isn't Ebola, people!)




4pm - 5pm: Construction of crude radio transmitters.

5pm - 6pm: How to cook a squirrel.

6 o'clock dinner, and then off to bed!

At night, the vicious attack dog defends the home.



8 comments:

  1. Most entertaining post in a long time. Especially loved the humane and sanitary elimination post....

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  2. Oh sure, you affluent pricks can afford *organic* sorghum for your rocks! Rub it in, why don't you.

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  3. When in America...
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/16/us-sales-guns-ammunition-soar-amid-coronavirus-panic-buying

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  4. Excellent educational initiative, and that is Olympic-class molotov-tossing! Those zombie hordes won't stand a chance.

    Mike

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    Replies
    1. I strongly recommend Dead Island, and Dead Island Riptide...

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  5. Not THAT Ross CameronMarch 19, 2020 at 12:53 PM

    Assume your saving up the following topics for later, in case this really drags out:
    - beginners guide to fending off vampires
    - sawn-offs and the zombie apocalypse
    - installing sanitation in your bunker
    - tips and tricks for when you doomsday cult look like turning on you.

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    Replies
    1. Good points, especially the last. They will eventually turn on me, won't they? What to do, what to do.

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